Never Trust a Gastropod

I’m thinking that being shoved into a stinky garbage can would be even more humiliating if a big ol’ slimy snail was the one who put you there. That’s one of those things that would definitely wreck a man’s confidence.

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Quick Note: Giving in to the hordes!

Because my multitudes of adoring fans demanded it…well, not really multitudes…actually just Sid…and he doesn’t really adore me…at least, I don’t think he does…don’t know…he might have a secret Jeff shrine I know nothing about…

Anyway. Java Man now has his own mug on my CafePress site. (I know, you’re thinking “Java Man…coffee mug…Gee, Jeff, that was a stroke of creative genius there.”)

“X” is for Xenophobia

I was visiting my son’s kindergarten class the other day, and it struck me how monotonous those alphabet cards can get. You know the ones…A is for apple, B is for ball…and, of course, X is always for either xylophone or x-ray.

So I’m thinking of doing my own set of cards and sneaking them into his class. It would be something like “A is for asinine, B is for Brobdingnagian….X is for xenophobia”!

The only thing keeping me from doing this is the fact I couldn’t afford to pay for psychotherapy  for the entire kindergarten.

A Doofus & An Angry Duck

Not really much in the way of an explanation or comment on these two.

I’ll just let you guys decide why the duck is so spitting mad. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure ducks can spit.

As for the doofus….that one started as a skull and cross bones and went from there.

When Doodles Get Bored

Sometimes I get sidetracked doing other things and don’t have time to doodle (I know…sad, isn’t it), so the doodles start having to wait around for me to draw them. On occasion, one of them dozes off. And let me tell you, those guys can SNORE!!

If the snoring gets really bad, I have to hurry up and draw the doodle just to get that gosh-awful sound out of my head.

The Monster in the Living Room

A few days ago, I received an email that contained the phrase “taming the monster in the living room” in reference to TV.

I think I speak for all doodlers out there when I say that it’s a sin to let a phrase like that go undoodled!

The Sawtoothed Gawker Shark

 

The rare Sawtoothed Gawker Shark.

And, with this doodle, the last remnants of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week have now been officially flushed from my subconscious!

I blame Hieronymus

 

Sometimes my doodles have the bothersome habit of jumping in front of what I’m trying to write.

And then they just sit there….

…and stare….

…and sometimes giggle. Loudly. Like a hyena jazzed up on nitrous oxide and Twinkies.

Of Sea Monsters and Human-shaped Floaties

What if you were a sea monster who didn’t know how to swim? I bet you’d get yourself a nice little floatie with a human head, wouldn’t you? And I bet– if somebody did a drawing of you drifting around in your human-shaped floatie all unable to swim and stuff– you’d probably cop an attitude, too.

C’mon, you know you would. Admit it.

M.A.T.O.

Let’s hope there never comes a time when dragonflies have to rely on M.A.T.O. (Matron-Assisted TakeOff) to get airborne, because I’m betting those guys can get pretty verbally abusive and hypercritical… and old ladies just don’t need that kind of pressure.